5 Songs That Carry the Burden

5 Songs That Carry the Burden

           Songs--poetry with a melody…my escape, my passion, my release. Without music, my world would be empty, desolate, and unnerving. With each note that is played, my soul is immersed, and my emotions are allowed to flow freely. A certain rhythm can bring me to tears or send an electric shock from my fingers to my toes. Music relaxes me. Music excites me. Music paralyzes me. To me, songs aren't just a poem or a melody--they're my anchor…they carry the burden of life.

Lana Del Rey--Ride

"I was always an unusual girl.

 My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, 

no moral compass pointing due north, 

no fixed personality; 

just an inner indecisiveness 

that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean…"

              These are the words Lana speaks in the prologue of the song. It's crazy how a song can put the thoughts I constantly replay in my head into lyrics. I know I'm different. I have a past. I've made stupid decisions, and I have dealt with the repercussions. But, I'm constantly changing. I can be stressed and ecstatic and depressed all in the same day. This girl has no 'fixed personality'. I adapt to the situation I've been given. You want me to be loud--I'll scream. You need me to be strong--I'll haul ass. You ask for loyalty--I'll never leave. Like a chameleon who's constantly changing with it's environment, I mold, I adapt, and that sets me aside from others.

"I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy
I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes
It's all I've got to keep myself sane, baby
So I just ride, I just ride"

              At times, I feel so blank and distant. Sometimes, I question if I'm still living, or if I'm simply just a body with no soul. When I look at myself in the mirror, I hardly recognize the person looking back at me. Could that really be me? Do I truly look like that? Sometimes, I feel like the memories I have are not my own, but rather, someone else's. My world becomes dark and fades until it's pitch black and deserted. Confusing, frightening, crazy. I try to latch on to one thing that will bring me back down to reality--something, anything to remember or even just recognize myself by. For me, it's music. The tune drawls me in and forces me to think. As I listen to the lyrics, my character blossoms, and my morals grow. Do I agree with the message? Is the beat soothing or upbeat? What kind of mood am I in? I just let it take me for a ride. I allow it to soak in and engorge my withering soul, and then and only then, I find my lost self once more.

"Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.

I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want to become. I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the same as ever: "I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride." Who are you?Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them? I have. I am fucking crazy. But I am free."

       Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to make my days so perfect, that I forget to enjoy it. 'Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun'. These are truly the simplest lyrics, yet they hold such a powerful message. I have this one life to experience, this one journey to have--I would be an idiot to stress over the little, irrelevant things. This part forces me to peer inside myself and ask the difficult questions…who am I…am I in touch with all of my darkest fantasies…have I created a life for myself where I can experience them? I want to. I want be fucking crazy. I want to be free.

Emeli Sandé--Next to Me

"When the money’s spent 

and all my friends have vanished
And I can’t seem to find no help or love for free

I know there’s no need for me to panic

Cause I’ll find him, I’ll find him next to me"

               Within the past couple of years, I've created a strong connection with God. He has always been there for be…begging me to reach out to Him...but it wasn't until junior year that I fully took God up on that offer. Junior year was the hardest. Struggling with my weight and trying to keep up with school was stressing me out. On several occasions, I would just randomly break down into tears. I felt so lost, abandoned, and forgotten. All of my friendships were on the rocks, and I believed I had no one else who cared. I'd had grown up very Catholic…going every Sunday and Wednesday to church…plus all the dreaded holy days. After awhile, the ceremonies would dragged on and bored me. I couldn't stand all of the traditions or songs that were sung. Unnecessary--I thought--stupid even. Until one day, I was sitting there, and the choir started singing Eagles Wings…it was one of my favorites. I belted out the words, and it felt so good. I sung and sung until my voice went raw, and then I prayed. It was so comforting to know God was there--that He listened. We talked and talked about my life. I prayed, and He listened; He was my saving grace. After awhile, the traditions became my comfort, and the songs became my words. God is patient and forgiving. He loves me truly for everything that I am, so I know that no matter what…I'll find Him next to me.

Rihanna--Stay

"Ooh the reason I hold on
Ooh cause I need this hole gone"

               I fell in love with this song about three months ago. At the time, I was going through a tough breakup that seemed to have no signs of closure. I can remember I was driving home from my friend's house, and the radio was on some weird station. As I went to change it to some "typical" channel, I heard the beginning of Stay--I was instantly hooked. This line really cut through the layers of pain I had kept hidden. It was so real, like Rihanna was talking directly to me. I was holding on to this boy not because I loved him, but because, I needed him. I needed someone to fill the void, someone to hold me, someone to give me the attention I desperately craved.

"Funny you're the broken one 
but I'm the only one who needed saving
Cause when you never see the light 
it's hard to know which one of us is caving"

              When I got home, I immediately typed this song into YouTube. I just had to hear it again…and I did…on repeat…for the next three months. It words consoled me, and it's soft melody soothed my aching heart. As I listened more, I began to dissect each line, tried to find the hidden meaning behind each stanza. 'Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving,' humorous isn't it? His and I's relationship was based on just solely a competition--not love. Who could hurt the most? Who's pain cut the deepest. We both wanted the instant gratification of a lover, yet neither of us stepped back to understand one of another. When I realized this, I finally found my closure. I realized that he nor I ever stopped thinking about our own pain to see how much the other one was truly hurting. We never really knew which one of us was truly 'caving'. We never took the time to express our emotions healthily, and this was the reason for our downfall.

Imagine Dragons--On Top of the World

"I’ve had the highest mountains
I’ve had the deepest rivers
You can have it all but life keeps moving"

          The truth is…no one else knows my struggles I besides me. There are secrets I hold on to. Ones that I've buried deep--ones that I repress because of the hazardous pain they inflict. But life doesn't care if I'm ready; it doesn't wait for me to prepare, 'life just keeps moving'. So instead of dwelling on the hurt and frustration, I look to my future. Driven by emotions, I use my burdens to fuel my motivation…I focus…I plan…I conquer. I've learned to relax more. I've realized that not every accident is a catastrophe and not every mistake is a death-sentence. 

 "I coulda gave up then but
Then again I couldn’t have ’cause
I’ve traveled all this way for something"

          My sorrows motivated me, but my history keeps me focused. I've learned to grow from my errors and accept my faults. Mastering this was, and still is, one of the most tedious, scrutinizing obstacles I've ever faced. 'I've traveled all this way for something'. At times, I want to give up. I beg for it all to be over, but knowing how much time and effort I've spent building my path, stops me. I know if didn't bear these burdens, then all of the results, all of the outcomes, would mean nothing to me. The value would be diminished, and the significance would vanished. This catchy tune and meaningful lyrics raises my spirits, lifts me up--they carry me to my earned reward.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis--Ten Thousand Hours

"Same shit, different day, same struggle
Slow motion as time slips through my knuckles
Nothing beautiful about it, no light at the tunnel"

              Sometimes when I'm feeling upset and bruised, I need to listen to a song that's honest, raw, and real. One that doesn't sugar coat anything and that screams reality. The truth is…sometimes, there really isn't a happy ending. Most of the time, no one is coming to save you, and usually, the struggle is real. Though these times are the heaviest to bear, they are the some of the most valuable learning experiences. When everything starts to crash down, I realize who my true friends are--the ones who are loyal, who listen, and who provided me with guidance. It's at these times, I build self-movitation and drive. I realize how much I'm willing to carry before I tumble. 

"Ten thousand hours felt like ten thousand ants
Ten thousands ants, they carry me"

             When the load becomes heavier, harder to bear, when all of the hours I put in feel minuscule, when I finally grow too weak to stand, I am caught by 'ten thousand ants'. The little things that are important to me. The inspirations that keeping me going. My morals, my memories, my music--they relieve the never-ending burden, they hold up my sinking weight, and they carry me till I can walk on my own once more.